About The Narcissistic Personality Disordered Person

I have chosen to stand by the side of my partner who through no choice of his own is afflicted by mental illness. It goes with out saying, that this affliction plays a major role in my life both individually and in relationship. Each day proves to be a difficult day for us. I have blogged about my experience with his paranoid personality disorder in the past. The insight I have gained through my own process of understanding narcissism has broadened the scope of my comprehension of the bigger picture of what is going on and what is “in play” within our relationship. I stated in my blog about paranoia that by sharing this type of information openly in forums such as this and my decision honor the commitments I have made to my partner, I have alienated myself from key persons I would normally choose to have in my support network. As a result of my openness and honesty, I have sacrificed both family connections and close friendships.

Contrary to what some individuals may think, I have given considerable thought to my decision, consulting with both paraprofessionals and professionals in the field of psychiatry. It is a lonely experience trying to share the struggles my partner and I face to some in our support network, and some have abandoned us altogether. I am asked so often,” Why do you stay with such a person?” At this very moment I find myself in a very familiar place, asking myself that very same question.

As I continue to learn to live with the decisions I make, I see more of the options available to me. Right now, thoughts, feelings and emotions are jumbled up inside my head. I feel as though I'm hanging onto a very thin rope over a very deep abyss. I know that it is in times like this that I must first take care of myself. During the last six months, healthy people have come into my life. One or two of them were there all along, only I wasn’t open to receiving their feedback and I didn’t pursue the friendship. I now have several stable people I can call and talk to and spend time with outside of my home environment.

I know I need a tool to process the jumbled feelings, the hurts, resentments and fears that are consuming my thoughts right now; even manifesting them physically in my body. One way I typically approach the more significant issues in my life is to look at the situation very analytically. One of the ways I do this is to write a blog and journal which incorporates the more factual matters; much like the way one would approach writing a research paper on the subject matter. Following is the result from my research, condensed and specific to my own situation with my partner:

The Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a condition characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, need for admiration, extreme self-involvement, and a lack of empathy for others. Individuals with this disorder are usually arrogantly self-assured and confident. They expect to be noticed as superior. Individuals with NPD are sometimes referred to as “serial bullies.” Many highly successful individuals might be considered narcissistic. However, this disorder is only diagnosed when these behaviors become persistent and very disabling or distressing. The narcissist does not cater at all to his own needs. Contrary to his reputation, the narcissist does not "love" himself in any true sense of this loaded word.

He feeds off other people who hurl back at him an image that he projects to them. This is their sole function in his world: to reflect, to admire, to applaud, to detest - in a word, to assure him that he exists. Otherwise, they have no right to tax his time, energy, or emotions - so he feels.

NPD is a true mental diagnosis for people who need admiration, lack empathy and have a grandiose sense of their self-importance. It is called a pervasive pattern of grandiosity in fantasy and behavior, and usually begins by early adulthood and it presents itself in a variety of symptoms. To achieve this diagnosis, a person presents five or more of the following:

Are You Narcissistic?

Fill in the blank next to each question with a number from 1 to 5 as follows:

1 strongly disagree 2 disagree 3 neutral 4 agree 5 strongly agree

_____ I am very concerned with what others think of me.

_____ I am easily bored.

_____ I feel that I am attractive

_____ I call, text or email my friends when we haven’t spoken for a while.

_____ People are always coming to me with their problems.

_____ I am more important than most people I know.

_____ I find that other people’s remarks can be hurtful.

_____ I don’t like being alone for long.

_____ People often don’t appreciate me.

_____ I feel that I am always sorting out people's problems for them.

Scores between 24 and 34 are normal (The average is 29).
If your score is 35 or more you may be narcissistic.
If your score is 23 or less you may be lacking in self-confidence.

It is rare for a narcissistic individual to be diagnosed with NPD because those who really should be don't seek help and so don't get clinically assessed; it is usually members of their family or work colleagues who seek help to cope with them.Here are a few pointers that may help you identify one:

Their lack of empathy colors everything they do.

They may say, "How are you?" when you meet, but they are working from memory.
They are not interested in how you are.

Virtually all of their ideas or ways of behaving in a given situation are taken from others, people they know and perhaps think of as an authority (mirroring).

Their sense of self-importance and lack of empathy means that they will often interrupt the conversations of others.

They expect others to do the day-to-day chores as they feel too important to waste their time on common things.

Listen for the constant use of "I", "me" and "my" when they talk.

They very rarely talk about their inner life, for example their memories and dreams.

They feel that the rules at work don't apply to them

They will always cheat whenever they think they can get away with it

If you share workload with them expect to do the lion's share yourself.

They love to delegate work or projects, and then interfere by micro-managing it. If it goes well, they take the credit, if it goes badly they blame the person they delegated it to.

There tends to be higher levels of stress with people who work with or interact with a narcissist, which in turn increases absenteeism and staff turnover.

They get impatient and restless when the topic of discussion is about someone else, and not about them.

How is narcissistic personality disorder treated?

There is no known cure for narcissistic personality disorder, but psychotherapy might help the person learn to relate to others in a more positive and rewarding way. Psychotherapy tries to provide the person with greater insight into his or her problems and attitudes in the hope that this will change behavior. The goal of therapy is to help the person develop a better self-esteem and more realistic expectations of others. Medicine might be used to treat the distressing symptoms, such as behavioral problems, that might occur with this disorder.

What are the complications of narcissistic personality disorder?

People with narcissistic personality disorder might abuse drugs and/or alcohol as a way of coping with their symptoms. The disorder also might interfere with the development of healthy relationships with others.

What is the outlook for people with narcissistic personality disorder?

The prognosis depends on the severity of the disorder.

Can narcissistic personality disorder be prevented?

There is no known way to prevent narcissistic personality disorder.

How to Get to Forgiveness

One is as one is, and the love that can’t encompass both is a poor sort of love.
- Marya Mannes

I have struggled to find the way to forgive myself and others. Forgiving isn’t easy. Writing this blog isn't easy. I am carrying so much resentment and hurt around with me. In fact, when I’ve been deeply hurt or victimized by someone else, I may feel I can’t forgive. Yet, for my own peace of mind and in order to let go, I may finally try. It’s been suggested by my therapist that forgiveness is easier under certain conditions: a positive connection with the person we want to forgive, a deep relationship with the Universe, and lots of time.

Forgiveness is often preceded by grieving fully; we must first heal from the harm that was done to us. Through the honesty, power and wisdom gained through personal growth we are gently lead through the process of forgiving ourselves and others. Many of us have also experienced the Universe’s unconditional forgiveness which gives us a model. I acknowledge my responsibility for my actions, I let go of resentment, I grieve, and, finally, I forgive. Today, I will let go and let God.

Hello World!

My first blog on Blogger! I am so excited to be able to share my blogs with a whole new audience. I've been blogging for almost two years now on my 360 page on Yahoo! as well as to an even larger audience on WordPress.com (http://christophersmark/wordpress.com). My experience blogging has been very positive. I started blogging on Yahoo! after my partner, Christopher created my 360 page as a surprise to me. He did all the initial "setting up" of the page, and added as much of his own creativity as he possibly could. I had been telling him for months how intrigued I was by the concept of blogging. I've always been a conscientious one to journal on a daily basis. For my journal, I must have the most luxurious of bound papers and I treat myself to the most expensive pen I can afford. Journaling to me, is a release. It's a way for me to look back on feelings, experiences and emotions. It's a valuable way for me to review the lessons I've learned, and a chance to discern what I could have done differently in a given situation. When I journal, I write as though no one will ever see those pages but me. Honesty comes forth easily.

Honesty has become a theme in my life. I haven't always been a person of integrity or honesty. It's taken me a long time and its been a very difficult journey to get to the point where I am today. My blogs are all about honesty. My honesty. The lessons I am learning in this life, the fears I face, about my willingness for greater spirituality in my life, about my addiction to methamphetamines, my experience with mental illness and much more. There are individuals who may read this and find the level of honesty to which I subscribe well, unbelievable! Unfortunately, I have either run out of chances with them to prove myself, or they are unwilling to let go of the resentments they hold on to so tightly. To them, I shall always be "guilty until proven innocent". I know the commitment I make each and every day when I first get out of bed; I commit to being rigorously honest in this new day, honest in every thought, word and action. I realize of course that I am human and prone to error, but by making this simple promise each and every day, I have grown into making honesty a habit and part of the under girding of my life.

The sharing of my honesty and my path of personal growth began on Yahoo! I quickly began making "friends" around the globe, all of whom were sharing such valuable feedback regarding my blogs. Eventually, I realized that I was nearing 700 "hits" per day on my 360 page! I yearn for ways to be more creative with my blogs and take my writing more seriously. I began taking a look at my options, and none seemed better than Wordpress and now Blogger. Blogging has helped me grow in my writing, as I have even stretched a bit through my first attempts at writing poetry and short stories. Through Wordpress and Blogger I have an even greater audience, still from around the world, and still offering that valuable feedback. I look forward to building a following of readers who are perhaps on the same path as I am, or maybe considering making changes in their life. I don't set out to change anyone with my blogs, but rather show myself for who I really am. I'm no different than you...