“For so it must be, and help me to do my part.” -- A Tibetan Master
It’s been said that God exists only in the present. That means we must live in the present if we are to find God. In God’s eyes, we are worthy and loveable as we are, today. ‘God never rejects part of creation.
Can we accept that our God, Higher Power or Universe loved us even we were at our very worst? Can we accept that God loves us if we are struggling, or slipping today? If this happens, we can pick ourselves up again and make better choices and pray to God for help.
The power of the present makes it possible for God to love each one of us unconditionally because God doesn’t expect us to be perfect, just willing to do our very best. Only in the present do we have the power to choose our attitudes and actions, and it is this freedom that links us to God’s power.
There’s an old fable about the competition between the reed and the oak during a gale storm. As the wind howled, the oak boasted, while the reed said nothing. The wind became a tempest, and the reed bent down flexibly to the ground. The oak fell, uprooted.
Sometimes we seem strong but we are just being stubborn. We become rigid in our moral positions and don’t even try to understand the problems of those around us. We like to be thought of as uncompromising and tough.
Maybe we’re frightened. Perhaps we fear that if we even start to compromise we will be lost; on sign of weakness and the dam will burst and we’ll be up to our old tricks again.
Don’t confuse rigidity with true strength. To be strong we need to be tolerant, responsive, and gentle. We need to be strong in a loving, flexible, human way. This is a central part of one’s personal growth.
I’m learning that when we lose faith in our feelings, we lose faith in ourselves and become outer-directed. That is, we look to the world to tell us how to feel and what to do. We seek approval and love from others so we can prove to ourselves that we are worthy. Paradoxically, to be outer-directed is to be self-absorbed. How can this be? We feel so unsure of who we are , that we cannot let go, be spontaneous or real.
We can reclaim ourselves by becoming inner-directed. This means looking within ourselves for the direction we need. When we’re just beginning to learn to trust our feelings, this can seem to be truly agonizing. It means trusting the reality of our needs and our right to express them. Only then can we find the faith in ourselves and in life, that we have lacked.
Becoming inner-directed takes self-acceptance and self-love. It also takes time. Until then, there will be no real peace because it is the only way to find ourselves.
I love the Broadway musical Wicked. For those readers unfamiliar with the story, it is based on the best-selling novel, Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West by Gregory McGuire which runs parallel to the classic novel by L. Frank Baum, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz.
Wicked tells the story of Elphaba, the future Wicked Witch of the West and her relationship with Glinda, the Good Witch of the North. Their friendship causes them to face their opposing personalities and viewpoints, rivalry over the same love-interest, their reactions to the Wizard's corrupt government and ultimately, Elphaba's public fall from grace. The plot is set mostly before Dorothy's arrival from Kansas and includes several references to well-known scenes and dialogue in the 1939 film The Wizard of Oz as a back-story.
Wicked is running here in the Phoenix metro area at Tempe’s Gammage Auditorium throughout the month of July, 2009. Find out if Wicked is coming to your area and check this musical out. In the meantime, I wanted to share the lyrics to a song from Wicked. The song is sung between Elphaba and Glinda, just before the finale. I've shared the lyrics to Defying Gravity from Wicked in an earlier post.
For Good
(Elphaba)
I'm limited Just look at me - I'm limited. And just look at you You can do all I couldn't do, Glinda. So now it's up to you For both of us - now it's up to you...
(Glinda)
I've heard it said That people come into our lives for a reason Bringing something we must learn And we are led To those who help us most to grow If we let them And we help them in return Well, I don't know if I believe that's true But I know I'm who I am today Because I knew you
Like a comet pulled from orbit As it passes a sun Like a stream that meets a boulder Halfway through the wood Who can say if I've been changed for the better? But because I knew you I have been changed for good
(Elphaba)
It well may be That we will never meet again In this lifetime So let me say before we part So much of me Is made of what I learned from you You'll be with me Like a handprint on my heart And now whatever way our stories end I know you have re-written mine By being my friend...
Like a ship blown from its mooring By a wind off the sea Like a seed dropped by a sky bird In a distant wood Who can say if I've been changed for the better? But because I knew you
(Glinda)
Because I knew you (Both) I have been changed for good
(Elphaba)
And just to clear the air I ask forgiveness For the thing I've done you blame me for
(Glinda)
But then, I guess we know There's blame to share
(Both) And none of it seems to matter anymore
(Glinda)
Like a comet pulled from orbit As it passes a sun Like a stream that meets a boulder Halfway through the wood
(Elphaba)
Like a ship blown from its mooring By a wind off the sea Like a seed dropped by a bird in the wood
(Both)
Who can say if I've been Changed for the better? I do believe I have been Changed for the better
(Glinda)
And because I knew you...
(Elphaba)
Because I knew you...
(Both)
Because I knew you... I have been changed for good.
This song has inspired me at a time when I have been feeling challenged by my relationships. Some of my relationships seem static and difficult. I have begun to wonder if it would be in the best interest of both of us to move along.
The Mask of Mental Illness – By Christopher Dale Eshenbaugh
I can see that my new life will be full of the unknown, but that is what can make it exciting and creative.
Many great artists were neglected or even abused during their lifetime because their work was considered too provocative. Painters like Van Gogh, poets like Blake or Poe, and novelists like James Joyce were pushed out to the margins of society because their vision was too disturbing.
Most of us like a comfortable life, and those of us who are addicted to one high or another may not want to be troubled by new ways of seeing and imagining the world. Yet, the day comes when our addiction no longer satisfies us and we begin to long for a new vision and version of our lives. Art can help us in our recovery.
Art allows us to change our way of looking and living, even if at first the change is disturbing. Like artists, we can create new images and new patterns for our lives. At first, it may be painful. Old, comfortable habits die hard! But, as we move forward, taking our little baby steps, by baby steps, we come to see that it’s exciting to be on the move and even at the frontier of new, creative endeavors. Creativity, after all, comes from loving ourselves and others.
The Mask of Domestic Violence – By Artist, Christopher Eshenbaugh
“Thanks to art, instead of seeing one world (our own), we see it multiplied.” -- Marcel Proust
I’ve been looking at the therapeutic nature of art to one’s recovery lately. In our active addiction, we tended to have a single, narrow view of ourselves and the world we live in. We thought that everyone was obsessed by using, fantasies and erotic images; we saw others perhaps as mere doubles of ourselves.
One of the great joys I find in reading is the ability to enter other people’s lives. We often come to know fictional characters even better than our friends because a novelist can give us the illusion of being all-powerful and all-knowing. So we get a special “inside view,” and many people in books become familiar and very dear to us.
Reading can take us out of ourselves and expand our views of other people. We learn that, indeed, “it takes all sorts to make up a community in this world of ours,” and our lives become less isolated through contact with others. The power of art is to deepen and enrich this perception of ourselves in relationship to the world. Through reading, watching plays and films, or exploring a painter’s world, we begin.
“It is the creative potential itself in human beings that is the image of God.” -- Mary Daly
Within each of us is a creative person. Getting comfortable with our creativity often means letting go of tight, rigid thinking so that the spontaneous, artistic side of ourselves can emerge.
Whether or not we think of ourselves as artistic, we are. To be artistic is to create , an instinct that we all possess as human beings. Each day, as we make our way along this path toward personal growth, we find the courage to create ourselves anew. One way to encourage our creativity is to find an outlet for it. I love learning to play the organ, digital photography and editing, writing short stories for children and poetry. My friend Albert enjoys beading and Native American dance. In my last two posts you’ve enjoyed the art of Christopher Eshenbaugh. For you perhaps you’ll find your creative self through embroidery, furniture refinishing or gardening. Most anything that allows us to create something outside ourselves can be good.
The joy of working with our body, spirit, mind and feelings is truly a joyful experience with an amazing reward at the end: we have finally created something new, and in it, we can see ourselves.
"I shall tell you a great secret, my friend. Do not wait for the last judgment, it takes place every day." == Albert Camus
It is easy to hope that at some time in the future we may redeem ourselves by some great act of heroism or undergo a dramatic conversion of sorts. But in the meantime, all too often, it's business as usual. Too easily we can become used to our unhealthy behaviors, denying that our acting-out has harmed anyone... except ourselves and those we love and who love and trust us. Deep down we knew we were judging ourselves and being judged. Now, each day, we can assess our actions and evaluate our behavior. In this way, we learn how our behavior has affected every part of our lives and our relationships.
It is time to change. The longer we wait, the more ingrained are our habits and ways of perceiving and deceiving. If we live a lie, we will be judged accordingly, by ourselves and those close to us. We can change and grow and move ahead into the openness and fullness of each new day.
"Forgive the past by releasing the pain it will only hurt you and others.
Live the day by forgiving the past and looking forward to tomorrow, you can't change either without changing your actions today.
Look forward to tomorrow by building and sharing you love to help you achieve your goals."
LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF BEFORE YOU CAN LOVE OTHERS!
My dear friend Cliff wrote this for me the other day. He is aware of the struggle I'm having releasing the past, f0rgiving, and moving on. I'm grateful to have a friend like Cliff.
"It is an old an ironic habit of human beings to run faster when we have lost our way." -- Rollo May
Our boundaries are both inside and outside ourselves. No one can set them for us; we can only set them. For many of us, boundaries are often unfamiliar. We may wonder, What are they? How do we use them? Some of us may have come from families where, as children, our boundaries were disregarded, perhaps creating a pattern we continue to live out as adults.
Starting to set boundaries for ourselves takes time and lots of practice. Because the experience is so unfamiliar, we may find ourselves vacillating between two extremes - holding back out fear of blurring our boundaries, or acting as if we have no boundaries at all. But our willingness to se boundaries and stick with them brings a clearer sense of who we are. We begin to learn where we start and end. We start to learn the same about other people. With boundaries comes a new sense of self-respect because they become our affirmations to ourselves that we are not objects to be trampled upon or used, but rather human beings, with dignity.
One way to create boundaries with people is to establish priorities in our relationships. In the past, out of loneliness or neediness, we may have talked to anyone, whether the person wanted to listen or notl. In this mixed-up world, we would find ourselves withholding our true feelings from people close to us, and spilling them instead on the cashier at the grocery store.
As we grow in self-esteem. our relationships improve and we act in positive ways to meet our needs. Then we have a better sense of who we are. We make choices in our relationships and take responsibility for them. We learn to bear the pain of boundaries that are not respected and enjoy the peace from those that are.
We no longer need to give ourselves away in bits and pieces; we know now what it is like to be whole. We can simultaneously have aquaintences, friends, co-workers, and even close, intimate relationships in our lives. We can trust we will act appropriately and that our boundaries will keep us safe.
"It is a true proverb, that if you live with a lame man, you will learn to halt." -- Plutarch
Working through the memories of childhood is a task each of us eventually faces. Addiction in a family system contributes to addiction along the way and affects our own individual addiction(s) and creates drama in life as adults.
I have realized that we can decide whether it's important for us to know if and how addiction has operated in our families. We can gain that knowledge as we need it. But isn't it enough simply knowing the addiction is real, that it's present in family systems, and that we didn't cause it? Knowing we didn't cause it helps to stop blaming one's self.
The important thing I have found is to focus on our own recovery. I cannot change a thing about my family or the past. But, I have found I can change my attitude toward them. When ever we feel caught up in the addiction or drama in a family members's behavior, we can bring our attention back to ourselves. That way, resentment and fruitless anger yield to honesty and humility. Detaching from the things we cannot change, forgiving the harm done to us, and letting go of the past are important parts of our healing.
Courage is like love; it must have hope for nourishment. -Napoleon
Courage never operates in a vacuum; we can always try hard and see ourselves as courageous about something. We also need to believe that there will be some consequence to our acts of bravery. It seems we are all looking at the long term for some kind of deliverance for ourselves and others.
Love, too, needs a sense of future, time to develop and flower. It is only passion that lives for an instant and passion, like the red rose, doesn't last out the full year.
So I believe, love and courage are similar and work together for our own good and the good of others. By working on ourselves through a form of personal growth and development we treasure love and courage as we find ourselves with greater wisdom and more abundance of peace with ourselves and others. I believe that this is one of the ways we have faith in the long term and in things that endure. No one is suggesting we can change overnight, but with love and courage and the hope on which they depend, we can all work wonders! I believe in my courage to change day-by-day.
Declare your independence of all fear-based limits. -- Alan Cohen
I have found fear to be one of my most worst and ineffective tools for making decisions. By “tools”, I mean the emotional coping mechanisms our mind creates during our life time and from our own set of unique and personal experiences. These tools may be useful during a certain time period in our life because they protect us. As humans we change, and therefore some of our tools must change as well. As a child, fear may have been an important tool, because it kept us out of harm’s way from something. For example, I have a friend who has a two year old, and to keep the child away from certain things around the house tells the child, “It’s hot.” So now, whenever the child wants to touch something, he asks, “Hot?” My friend has been effective at keeping his child away from certain harmful elements, but obviously, as the child matures, this tool must change. As adults, I find that our tools don’t change frequently enough. Fear based tools are common for us to carry with us into adult hood. Fear based tools may distort reality, giving one an unrealistic platform for certain functions, such as decision making.
Fear is the absence of love. Fear is where our higher power (God or the Universe) is not. Making choices out of fear keeps us from looking at the true cause of our pain or anguish. Pain, misery, aggravation are just a few of our negative emotions. Our mind, our Ego, tells us that something out there in our world is causing us fear. We then believe we must resolve an issue or problem in order to get rid of the fear. This process tends to distort reality, blinding us from the true source of our fear, the Ego. It is our Ego, our mind, causing the fear. Our mind hides this fact from us. If we knew the true cause of our fear, we might feel we were wrong and put ourselves to blame, which then creates guilt.
Our Ego shelters us in this same way from guilt with all of our emotions. Anger, frustration, embarrassment and sadness are not ours to own responsibility for; it is the outside world to blame. Something or someone “out there” is the cause of the emotion. The problem with this tool used by the mind is that it leaves us feeling powerless. It leaves us feeling unable to change our feelings. Our power is surrendered to something outside of our own self and at the mercy of this “thing”. Many of us have learned by now that we can’t change another person. So we believe we cannot change “it” nor can we change our own emotions or feelings. We believe that this “thing” in the outside world must change for us to feel better. The same holds true for every one of our emotions. If the outside world or something or someone in it is the cause of our emotion, then we are not to blame. Clearly, it is that “thing” “out there” that is responsible for our emotions. This way of thinking makes us feel we are not to blame and not at fault. The only way to truly heal the problem is to heal the fear.
Through our awareness that it is our reaction to an event and those stories we have fabricated in our mind creating what we believe to be the truth, our power is restored. We have the power to create change and happiness. We begin realistically and authentically to heal the fear. No longer is there a dependency on the outside world for our own true joy.
Making choices or decisions out of fear are actions not from God or the Universe. When an individual has even a remote feeling that a choice or decision is being made from a fear based emotion, I recommend one to stop and take time to do the necessary inventory of one’s own feelings. Do not make a decision based on fear. Some of my personal friends and acquaintances go so far as to even do the opposite that a fear based decision may suggest. I recommend that if one becomes aware that a decision is being made with fear as a driving force, to stop. Breathe deeply in and out and go inside one's inner Self for direction. I often suggest the use of a simple technique I refer to as “STAR”. STAR is an acronym for: Stop, Think, Assess and Redirect to a healthy alternative. Even the simple exercise of breathing deeply in and out will help to release the fear. Susan Jeffers, a life coach and spiritual guide suggests, "Feel the fear and do it anyway."
During one of the first trips I made back to my hometown of Milwaukee, I was visiting with friends and shared I had taken a class in mind control. I had been wrestling with some emotional issues after moving, and was eager to share my new found abilities. I mentioned “Silva Mind Control”. One of my friends said, “Oh yeah, I see their commercials on TV all the time. They get kids grades in school to go up. You in school honey?” I cringed. She was referring to the “Sylvan” learning program. So began the long journey of misunderstandings that occur each time I try and share this valuable tool I’ve found.
After the move from Milwaukee to Phoenix, I not only had to deal with the adjustment just from the move itself, but I also ended a 16 ½ year relationship. The move was a result from the sale of a business I founded and owned for 15 years. The company that acquired mine turned out to be unscrupulous and it pained me to see the disrespectful way in which they treated my clients – my friends of so many years! I found myself dwelling and ruminating. My mind felt so full. My thoughts began to seem jumbled to me; I craved a good night’s sleep. My mind however, wouldn’t let sleep come to me. I kept hearing in my head that I should “learn to control my mind”. That “tape” playing in my head led me to an Internet search which led me to the office of Joan McGillicuddy and Antonio Estrada of Helping Associates, located in Casa Grande, Arizona; an hour’s drive from my home in Phoenix.
The website for Helping Associates had a list of “clinically proven benefits” from their seminar. That list included:
Increased creativity Improved health, energy, vitality and sleeping ability Improved memory Improved intuition Improved understanding and application of intuition Improved self-esteem Improved self-acceptance Improved habit control Improved self-assurance; freedom from guilt Improved social orientation, greater assertiveness and spontaneity Improved cooperation with life and others Improved physical self-image Improved attitudinal change to enthusiasm Improved personal integration of emotions and harmony in personal affairs Improved adherence to social order Improved family relationships Improved use of dreams to solve problems
(Helping Associates 2008)
I saw what I was longing for. Improvement! I called the office of Helping Associates and enrolled into the next class which was three weeks away. Those three weeks seemed to drag. The seminar was held over a weekend, and I have gained many benefits as a result. The most important skill that I honed was meditation. I had never meditated before. At last, I was on the road to controlling my mind.
I’ll write more about my personal experiences and what I gained from the seminar, and I’ll break this information up into a series of blogs. First, I must share that this is not the Sylvan Learning program! This is the Silva Method of Mind Control, founded by an amazing man named Jose Silva.
What is the Silva Method?
The Silva Method is a program that awakens and educates individuals to an expanded inner awareness for self power to change; to create a better and better life. The Silva Method was discovered and developed by Jose Silva. His discovery came more than 60 years ago. Through his study, practice and faith, Jose realized that within each of us is another world; the inner world where one’s Higher Self resides. To enter this inner world he has given us the techniques outlined in the Silva Method; the first and most important being the entrance to the Alpha level of consciousness. The Alpha level is the doorway to spiritual guidance, inspiration, intuition and higher consciousness.
The Silva Method is designed to help one learn to use more of the brain and elevate the creative powers of the mind through the use of visualization, imagination, positive thinking and meditation. The method consists of guided exercises that allow learning in a relaxed alpha state where one is empowered with tools and techniques that can be applied to improve essentially every area of life.
With practice, one becomes more in tune with the inner self, enhanced ability to use both brain hemispheres, and the ability to use the higher consciousness to access information for problem solving. Each exercise leads to greater awareness, an increased ability to solve everyday problems, a better perspective of life, and greater success in manifesting one’s desires. By using the foundation of the Silva Method which includes desire, belief, and expectancy, one can achieve personal greatness. The Silva Method can be learned by anyone. In the more than 40 years of existence The Silva Method has been taught to people of all ages, and walks of life.
The Silva Method can potentially change life for the better. It has mine. The tools and techniques in The Silva Method are designed to influence every aspect of life, such as managing stress, improving the quality of thoughts, overcoming bad habits, improving learning ability, managing pain and discomfort, manifesting goals and even enhancing intuition. The Silva Method has become part of me; not a single day goes by without my accessing some component of what I learned in that first seminar.
About Jose Silva
The man behind The Silva Method — is to me a great inspiration and it is important for me to share how he developed one of the most innovative educational programs from his humble beginning. Jose Silva was born in Laredo, TX, on the border of Mexico, on Aug. 11, 1914. He was a self-educated man; never having attended school a day in his life.
Jose Silva’s father died when he was just four years old and when he was six Jose helped support his family. He learned from his brothers and sisters the lessons they were learning in school. Through his perseverance and curiosity in learning, he eventually became a well-respected businessman. His interest in electronics and grew a business which established an electronics training school in his hometown. Jose Silva designed and received patents for several biofeedback instruments, and wrote over a dozen books.
As a teen, Jose Silva was earning a reputation as a successful businessman. From a borrowed correspondence course loaned to him by his barber, he got into radio. That education led to the development of the largest electronics repair business in south Texas.
Married at the age of 30, Jose Silva began to study psychology to find ways to help his children perform better in school. He spent over 20 years studying great minds, researching the human condition, and developing his method. The study of psychology led him to hypnosis, which led him to meditation. As a result of this unexpected turn of events, he began to research metaphysics. Eventually, Silva developed a method that could teach anyone how to develop their own intuition.
In the mid 1960’s Jose Silva’s successful program became known beyond Laredo where he was teaching his method to more than 100 people every week. Soon he was asked to teach groups who were willing to pay him for his knowledge. At the age of 52 Silva began the work that would make him famous.
Jose Silva was many things during his full lifetime. He was deeply devoted to his family, his business, the arts and education. He was fascinated with the mind development and human potential. He spent his entire lifetime developing his creative and intuitive abilities and teaching others to find their own abilities within themselves. The Silva Mind Control Method teaches people how to actually control their own minds for better health, faster learning, greater creativity, and for the development of their psychic ability.
Programs have been spawned from Jose Silva's years of research. Former students such as doctors teach patients how to use visualization and imagination in treating cancer. Professional artists, sculptors, athletes, business executives, scientists and people from all walks of life have benefited from the program. The greatest contribution of the Silva Method is in teaching people how to actually develop and use their intuition to get information and correct problems.
After my first seminar, I have gone back for at least four more, often taking a family member or close friend who expressed interest in learning how to develop their intuitive skills and improve their life. One family member suffered for many years from migraine headaches. The Silva Method has given this member of my family the ability to control her pain without the use of analgesics or other prescribed medications. For me, I have gained the ability to quiet my mind and listen to my inner Self. When strong recall is required I am able to retrieve information that normally would have been lost to me. I used some of the Silva tools while taking a course to prepare for the state of Arizona’s realtor examination. I confidently answered every question and easily passed the test.
The seminars occur over a three or four day period. It is therefore difficult to convey the complete educational component or the experiences one has during the seminar. In my upcoming blogs, I will discuss “programming” of the mind, the process of going into the Alpha state, meditation, ways to use the method for stress and relaxation, a technique to make falling asleep easy, and even a technique that makes waking up without an alarm clock even easier!
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