I’m learning that when we lose faith in our feelings, we lose faith in ourselves and become outer-directed. That is, we look to the world to tell us how to feel and what to do. We seek approval and love from others so we can prove to ourselves that we are worthy. Paradoxically, to be outer-directed is to be self-absorbed. How can this be? We feel so unsure of who we are , that we cannot let go, be spontaneous or real.
We can reclaim ourselves by becoming inner-directed. This means looking within ourselves for the direction we need. When we’re just beginning to learn to trust our feelings, this can seem to be truly agonizing. It means trusting the reality of our needs and our right to express them. Only then can we find the faith in ourselves and in life, that we have lacked.
Becoming inner-directed takes self-acceptance and self-love. It also takes time. Until then, there will be no real peace because it is the only way to find ourselves.
I love the Broadway musical Wicked. For those readers unfamiliar with the story, it is based on the best-selling novel, Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West by Gregory McGuire which runs parallel to the classic novel by L. Frank Baum, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz.
Wicked tells the story of Elphaba, the future Wicked Witch of the West and her relationship with Glinda, the Good Witch of the North. Their friendship causes them to face their opposing personalities and viewpoints, rivalry over the same love-interest, their reactions to the Wizard's corrupt government and ultimately, Elphaba's public fall from grace. The plot is set mostly before Dorothy's arrival from Kansas and includes several references to well-known scenes and dialogue in the 1939 film The Wizard of Oz as a back-story.
Wicked is running here in the Phoenix metro area at Tempe’s Gammage Auditorium throughout the month of July, 2009. Find out if Wicked is coming to your area and check this musical out. In the meantime, I wanted to share the lyrics to a song from Wicked. The song is sung between Elphaba and Glinda, just before the finale. I've shared the lyrics to Defying Gravity from Wicked in an earlier post.
For Good
(Elphaba)
I'm limited Just look at me - I'm limited. And just look at you You can do all I couldn't do, Glinda. So now it's up to you For both of us - now it's up to you...
(Glinda)
I've heard it said That people come into our lives for a reason Bringing something we must learn And we are led To those who help us most to grow If we let them And we help them in return Well, I don't know if I believe that's true But I know I'm who I am today Because I knew you
Like a comet pulled from orbit As it passes a sun Like a stream that meets a boulder Halfway through the wood Who can say if I've been changed for the better? But because I knew you I have been changed for good
(Elphaba)
It well may be That we will never meet again In this lifetime So let me say before we part So much of me Is made of what I learned from you You'll be with me Like a handprint on my heart And now whatever way our stories end I know you have re-written mine By being my friend...
Like a ship blown from its mooring By a wind off the sea Like a seed dropped by a sky bird In a distant wood Who can say if I've been changed for the better? But because I knew you
(Glinda)
Because I knew you (Both) I have been changed for good
(Elphaba)
And just to clear the air I ask forgiveness For the thing I've done you blame me for
(Glinda)
But then, I guess we know There's blame to share
(Both) And none of it seems to matter anymore
(Glinda)
Like a comet pulled from orbit As it passes a sun Like a stream that meets a boulder Halfway through the wood
(Elphaba)
Like a ship blown from its mooring By a wind off the sea Like a seed dropped by a bird in the wood
(Both)
Who can say if I've been Changed for the better? I do believe I have been Changed for the better
(Glinda)
And because I knew you...
(Elphaba)
Because I knew you...
(Both)
Because I knew you... I have been changed for good.
This song has inspired me at a time when I have been feeling challenged by my relationships. Some of my relationships seem static and difficult. I have begun to wonder if it would be in the best interest of both of us to move along.
"I shall tell you a great secret, my friend. Do not wait for the last judgment, it takes place every day." == Albert Camus
It is easy to hope that at some time in the future we may redeem ourselves by some great act of heroism or undergo a dramatic conversion of sorts. But in the meantime, all too often, it's business as usual. Too easily we can become used to our unhealthy behaviors, denying that our acting-out has harmed anyone... except ourselves and those we love and who love and trust us. Deep down we knew we were judging ourselves and being judged. Now, each day, we can assess our actions and evaluate our behavior. In this way, we learn how our behavior has affected every part of our lives and our relationships.
It is time to change. The longer we wait, the more ingrained are our habits and ways of perceiving and deceiving. If we live a lie, we will be judged accordingly, by ourselves and those close to us. We can change and grow and move ahead into the openness and fullness of each new day.
For every person in your past with whom you feel unhealed but unable to go back and resolve, there is someone standing before you offering you the opportunity to practice the healing you believe you missed.
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