Fed Up With Perfectionism?

"If a thing's worth doing, it's worth doing badly." -- G.K. Chesterton

Ever turn a proverb upside down? In “Way of All Flesh” by Samuel Butler, Ernest was annoyed and surprised at his parents for wanting him to be more religious all his life, and when he did, they were still not satisfied. He said to himself that a prophet was not without honors save in his own country, but he had gotten into an odious habit of turning proverbs upside down, and it occurred to him that a country is sometimes not without honor save for its own prophet.

It helps sometimes, to see what happens. Many of us are brought up to believe that we have to do, excel, finish first, get on the team, do a good job, see it through, get it done on time, say it right, get ahead, and on and on, better and better as we go. Why? Maybe that's the way Dad did it; and Grandma did it and that's just the way it's supposed to be.

And then, inevitably, we'd fail or fall. So we'd turn back on ourselves in shame, beat ourselves up, maybe turn to alcohol or drugs or some other addiction. If we were failures in public, then many of us would make up our own private world where failure doesn't exist. In this little world fantasy ruled, and in fantasy there are only successes; everybody scores

But I have come to know that it doesn't have to be so. We can break the spell and stop beating ourselves, and get away from Father's angry voice or that disappointed look on Mother's face. We can do things at our own speed, in our own unique way, on our own timeline, just for the joy of doing them.

Related Articles

• Procrastination (christophersmark.wordpress.com)
• Perfectionism (converstations.com)
• 8 Ways To Pitch Perfectionism (psychcentral.com)

Just for Today, Let Go of Anger and Resentment Toward Family and Focus on Taking Care of Yourself

"It is a true proverb, that if you live with a lame man, you will learn to halt." -- Plutarch





Working through the memories of childhood is a task each of us eventually faces. Addiction in a family system contributes to addiction along the way and affects our own individual addiction(s) and creates drama in life as adults.

I have realized that we can decide whether it's important for us to know if and how addiction has operated in our families. We can gain that knowledge as we need it. But isn't it enough simply knowing the addiction is real, that it's present in family systems, and that we didn't cause it? Knowing we didn't cause it helps to stop blaming one's self.

The important thing I have found is to focus on our own recovery. I cannot change a thing about my family or the past. But, I have found I can change my attitude toward them. When ever we feel caught up in the addiction or drama in a family members's behavior, we can bring our attention back to ourselves. That way, resentment and fruitless anger yield to honesty and humility. Detaching from the things we cannot change, forgiving the harm done to us, and letting go of the past are important parts of our healing.

The Best Mask for Demoralization is Daring

The best mask for demoralizing is daring - Lucan

As an addict, I know what it feels like to be demoralized. My addiction caused me to lose sight of my moral values, my beliefs, and my spirituality. I fell into mechanical patterns of fantasy and acting out behaviors that were separate and isolated from my deepest sense of morality and values. I must share the way out with others that like me, find ourselves in this spot.

The way out is by finding the courage to reassert our connection with others and our relationship with the Universe - in a word, through the rediscovery of our spirituality.

Addiction thrives on shame and isolation, and it withers in the light of openness and honest exchange. As we work on ourselves through personal growth and development, we talk with others, assess our progress and dare to be free. In turn, we find the courage to overcome our demoralization.

I want to dare today to be open and honest with myself and others.