God Loves Me Because I’m Human Not Despite It

“For so it must be, and help me to do my part.”  -- A Tibetan Master

It’s been said that God exists only in the present. That means we must live in the present if we are to find God.  In God’s eyes, we are worthy and loveable as we are, today.  ‘God never rejects part of creation.

Can we accept that our God, Higher Power or Universe loved us even we were at our very worst? Can we accept that God loves us if we are struggling, or slipping today?  If this happens, we can pick ourselves up again and make better choices and pray to God for help.

The power of the present makes it possible for God to love each one of us unconditionally because God doesn’t expect us to be perfect, just willing to do our very best.  Only in the present do we have the power to choose our attitudes and actions, and it is this freedom that links us to God’s power.

Better Bend Than Break

There’s an old fable about the competition between the reed and the oak during a gale storm. As the wind howled, the oak boasted, while the reed said nothing. The wind became a tempest, and the reed bent down flexibly to the ground. The oak fell, uprooted.

Sometimes we seem strong but we are just being stubborn. We become rigid in our moral positions and don’t even try to understand the problems of those around us. We like to be thought of as uncompromising and tough.

Maybe we’re frightened. Perhaps we fear that if we even start to compromise we will be lost; on sign of weakness and the dam will burst and we’ll be up to our old tricks again.

Don’t confuse rigidity with true strength. To be strong we need to be tolerant, responsive, and gentle. We need to be strong in a loving, flexible, human way. This is a central part of one’s personal growth.

Faith Is

Faith is putting all your eggs in God's basket, then counting your blessings before they hatch.

-- Ramona C. Carroll

The Duality of Me

 

I am a Gemini. There was a time when I was ashamed to say that I'm a Gemini.  People would begin to go off about how horrible their entire life experience has been with us Gems.  Really.  And then they'd hurl their judgments of me (cloaked as comparisons of course), by the time they were done, I felt like an inappropriate, over talkative, manipulative ass. I'd try to recover by saying, "I'm gregarious".  But you wouldn't even believe the number of individuals that chose to believe that I'm not a safe person to be around - because I'm a Gemini.  Well let me tell you this: there is a duality about me.  And it's all good. Sure, I may be Bi-polar.  But that's all good too.

Some of my friends and family actually enjoy that I'm a Gemini.  My duality.  Yes, there seems to be two of me in many aspects of my life.  But to a degree, it balances me.  I still love myself when I hate myself.  See myself as honest when I'm lying.  See myself as creative when I feel like a slug.  See what I mean?  And you know what?  I am gregarious!  I love people.  Love to hate 'em and love to love 'em.  Sometimes I love too fast.  Sometimes I want all that I cannot have or possess.  But overall, I love who I am, and am happy that I'm loved by someone else.

Real Connection

“Life delights in life.”  -- William Blake

How do we connect with other people?  Do we rely on conflict, suffering, manipulation, gossip or one-up-man ship?  Do we create relationships that can be controlled safely and then call that “reality?” 

Real connection requires two people, both wanting to be in the relationship, to approach each other as equals.  A good relationship brings us happiness, growth and a satisfying feeling of closeness.  We are able to be ourselves, without adjusting our beliefs or behavior to please the other person or to maintain the relationship.  The moment we abandon our equality, we have a power struggle, not a relationship. 

Previously,the only connections we made was between us and a hunger and an appetite that was never filled.  Once we began our process of personal growth we began to enjoy the real connections with people; the true joy that comes with giving and receiving. 

Afraid of Dying

What I fear most about dying, is not knowing for sure where I’m going. I remember when I was in training as an orderly at a nursing home in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, the training instructor taught us to never just get behind the wheelchair of a patient and start pushing. She explained that while a resident is sitting in their wheelchair, perhaps even dozing off, that the initial start can frighten them half to death, and that not informing the resident beforehand like this, “I’m going to take you to the dining room now, Mr. Schmitz”, erodes the dignity of a resident. They may feel a loss of control.

Would mother Universe please tell me what it will be like? I have begun to form my own concept. By working on this gradually, I’ve noticed that my anxiety over transitioning has lessened to a degree. My version that I’m comfortable with for now, goes something like this:

My version is much like what the renowned psychic, Sylvia Browne suggests in her books, which is gleaned from her own psychic journeys beyond with her spiritual guides and from her impressions during psychic readings. In her version, which I easily claim as my own belief, is that the actual transition itself is painless, and that there is no further attachment to this physical world in the mind.

A tremendous and brilliant white light is our Guide and we will have an overwhelming sense of trust and love in our Guide. Others who have gone before us are there to greet us. Even those beloved pets we lost are there! I’ll see my grandfathers, my mom, even my dogs Heidi, Jessie, and oh my dear CoCo. And my cats Samantha and Maya!

Everyone on the other side looks the way they did when they were around 35 years of age. Communication isn’t through words any longer but rather telepathically. There is a continuous beautiful melody of music everywhere. Time on the other side is different from this world that we know now. What we know as a lifetime to us here is a mere blink of the eye on the other side. Before we know it, those that we left in this world, are right behind us. That comforts me knowing that Christopher won’t be too far behind. I worry about how he’ll manage when I’m gone.

It has been explained to me that we didn’t know where we were going when we were born, or came to this world, and that it is OK not knowing or fully understanding where we’re going when we make our transition. That’s something I’ll have to work on; trusting in mother Universe’s ability to take care of me. Even the last leg of life’s journey is packed full with lessons. Right up until the bell sounds for the next class to begin.

Defying Gravity From the Broadway Musical “Wicked”

Defying Gravity

GLINDA

(Spoken)

Elphaba - why couldn't you have stayed calm for

once, instead of flying off the handle!

(Sung)

I hope you're happy!

I hope you're happy now

I hope you're happy how you

Hurt your cause forever

I hope you think you're clever!

ELPHABA

I hope you're happy

I hope you're happy, too

I hope you're proud how you

Would grovel in submission

To feed your own ambition

BOTH

So though I can't imagine how

I hope you're happy right now

GLINDA

(Spoken)

Elphie, listen to me. Just say you're sorry:

(Sung)

You can still be with the Wizard

What you've worked and waited for

You can have all you ever wanted:

ELPHABA

(Spoken)

I know:

(Sung)

But I don't want it -

No - I can't want it

Anymore:

Something has changed within me

Something is not the same

I'm through with playing by the rules

Of someone else's game

Too late for second-guessing

Too late to go back to sleep

It's time to trust my instincts

Close my eyes: and leap!

It's time to try

Defying gravity

I think I'll try

Defying gravity

And you can't pull me down!

GLINDA

Can't I make you understand?

You're having delusions of grandeur:

ELPHABA

I'm through accepting limits

'Cuz someone says they're so

Some things I cannot change

But till I try, I'll never know!

Too long I've been afraid of

Losing love I guess I've lost

Well, if that's love

It comes at much too high a cost!

I'd sooner buy

Defying gravity

Kiss me goodbye

I'm defying gravity

And you can't pull me down:

(Spoken)

Glinda - come with me. Think of what we could

do: together.

(Sung)

Unlimited

Together we're unlimited

Together we'll be the greatest team

There's ever been

Glinda -

Dreams, the way we planned 'em

GLINDA

If we work in tandem:

BOTH

There's no fight we cannot win

Just you and I

Defying gravity

With you and I

Defying gravity

ELPHABA

They'll never bring us down!

(Spoken) Well? Are you coming?

GLINDA

I hope you're happy

Now that you're choosing this

ELPHABA

(Spoken)

You too

(Sung)

I  hope it brings you bliss

BOTH

I really hope you get it

And you don't live to regret it

I hope you're happy in the end

I hope you're happy, my friend:

ELPHABA

So if you care to find me

Look to the western sky!

As someone told me lately:

"Everyone deserves the chance to fly!"

And if I'm flying solo

At least I'm flying free

To those who'd ground me

Take a message back from me

Tell them how I am

Defying gravity

I'm flying high

Defying gravity

And soon I'll match them in renown

And nobody in all of Oz

No Wizard that there is or was

Is ever gonna bring me down!

GLINDA

I hope you're happy!

CITIZENS OF OZ

Look at her, she's wicked!

Get her!

ELPHABA

:Bring me down!

CITIZENS OF OZ

No one mourns the wicked

So we've got to bring her

ELPHABA

Ahhh!

CITIZENS OF OZ

Down!

Art is Meant to Disturb

The Mask of Mental Illness – By Christopher Dale Eshenbaugh

I can see that my new life will be full of the unknown, but that is what can make it exciting and creative.

Many great artists were neglected or even abused during their lifetime because their work was considered too provocative.  Painters like Van Gogh, poets like Blake or Poe, and novelists like James Joyce were pushed out to the margins of society because their vision was too disturbing.

Most of us like a comfortable life, and those of us who are addicted to one high or another may not want to be troubled by new ways of seeing and imagining the world.  Yet, the day comes when our addiction no longer satisfies us and we begin to long for a new vision and version of our lives.  Art can help us in our recovery. 

Art allows us to change our way of looking and living, even if at first the change is disturbing.  Like artists, we can create new images and new patterns for our lives.  At first, it may be painful.  Old, comfortable habits die hard!  But, as we move forward, taking our little baby steps, by baby steps, we come to see that it’s exciting to be on the move and even at the frontier of new, creative endeavors.  Creativity, after all, comes from loving ourselves and others. 

The Power of Art

The Mask of Domestic Violence – By Artist, Christopher Eshenbaugh

 

“Thanks to art, instead of seeing one world (our own), we see it multiplied.”  -- Marcel Proust

 

I’ve been looking at the therapeutic nature of art to one’s recovery lately.  In our active addiction, we tended to have a single, narrow view of ourselves and the world we live in.  We thought that everyone was obsessed by using, fantasies and erotic images; we saw others perhaps as mere doubles of ourselves. 

One of the great joys I find in reading is the ability to enter other people’s lives.  We often come to know fictional characters even better than our friends because a novelist can give us the illusion of being all-powerful and all-knowing.  So we get a special “inside view,” and many people in books become familiar and very dear to us.

Reading can take us out of ourselves and expand our views of other people.  We learn that, indeed, “it takes all sorts to make up a community in this world of ours,” and our lives become less isolated through contact with others.  The power of art is to deepen and enrich this perception of ourselves in relationship to the world.  Through reading, watching plays and films, or exploring a painter’s world, we begin.

Let Your Creativity Emerge!

 

“It is the creative potential itself in human beings that is the image of God.”  -- Mary Daly

Within each of us is a creative person.  Getting comfortable with our creativity often means letting go of tight, rigid thinking so that the spontaneous, artistic side of ourselves  can emerge. 

Whether or not we think of ourselves as artistic, we are.  To be artistic is to create , an instinct that we all possess as human beings.  Each day, as we make our way along this path toward personal growth, we find the courage to create ourselves anew.  One way to encourage our creativity is to find an outlet for it.  I love learning to play the organ, digital photography and editing, writing short stories for children and poetry.  My friend Albert enjoys beading and Native American dance.  In my last two posts you’ve enjoyed the art of Christopher Eshenbaugh.  For you perhaps you’ll find your creative self through embroidery, furniture refinishing or gardening.  Most anything that allows us to create something outside ourselves can be good. 

The joy of working with our body, spirit, mind and feelings is truly a joyful experience with an amazing reward at the end: we have finally created something new, and in it, we can see ourselves.

Death in the Abstract

"It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens." -- Woody Allen

Even after a recent near death experience, I tend to think of death in the abstract, as a fact rather than a reality. I know that everything passes and that we are bound to die, but I rarely allow myself to accept the reality of dying and being dead.

Is this my way as well as that of others who refuse this fact our way of avoiding the reality of death? It may be that we can only think of more worldly, mortal acts as a new beginning, a false sense of perpetual renewal, even a kind of rebirth. Especially in fantasy and maybe even in our relationships, we are always "falling in love" all over again. Always young, always beginning again, always keeping our options open. Never settling into the contentment of a commitment.

As we begin to mature and develop through our efforts of personal growth, we can learn to integrate our thinking and feelings about death into our daily lives. We can sense death as an integral part of life, and not just as an abstract finality. This can become part of our process of learning to experience reality in all its stunning diversity. Life can become more precious as we realize that we must leave it.

Indifference and Apathy: Disease of the Spirit

"The worst sin towards our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them; that's the essence of inhumanity." -- George Bernard Shaw

Hate is the other side of love and shows at least energy and passion. Probably most of us feel surges of hate at some time or another, especially toward those we love the most. We can deal with this if we realize that these moments will pass and be forgiven.

But indifference and apathy can become a disease of the spirit so pervasive that their darkness envelops everything. Then life is stifled and throttled at the root. If we don't value the people around us, they will feel our lack of caring as striking at the heart of their humanity. If we have no time for life, then life and those close to us will drift away from us.

The world is a place of splendor and love. We can connect with it if we reach out beyond self-concern and replace indifference and apathy with the energy of living and loving.

Faith

Faith in thought is powerful,
but faith in action is magnetic.

How Can I Ever Recover From My Addictions?

Some days I wonder, “How am I ever going to recover from my addictions?” “What more must I do to get well?” These are the basic questions I ask myself as I struggle with my illness. An addiction to Crystal Meth.

The questions I ask in my mind are obvious, once I have taken time to really think about what is going on in my life. And the answers are just as simple – stop acting out, stop using, stay busy, and work my plan of persona growth through the SMART Recovery program whose logical approach works best for me.

I know however that it’s not enough to just go to those meetings once each week and putting in my time. Easy solutions may seem plausible, but just mouthing the words isn’t going to do the job. I have been a sick person, very sick at times, and I am going to struggle sometimes to see things straight again; to get back on course. The route is charted by the people who support me. Counselors and good friends have become my guides. But when all is said and done, I have to make the choice to accept the answers and help that will bring me renewal and health. I know the way forward to health isn’t easy, but I have confidence in myself that I will come through. Like the elegant Phoenix, I too shall rise from the ashes and be beautiful!

The Best Mask for Demoralization is Daring

The best mask for demoralizing is daring - Lucan

As an addict, I know what it feels like to be demoralized. My addiction caused me to lose sight of my moral values, my beliefs, and my spirituality. I fell into mechanical patterns of fantasy and acting out behaviors that were separate and isolated from my deepest sense of morality and values. I must share the way out with others that like me, find ourselves in this spot.

The way out is by finding the courage to reassert our connection with others and our relationship with the Universe - in a word, through the rediscovery of our spirituality.

Addiction thrives on shame and isolation, and it withers in the light of openness and honest exchange. As we work on ourselves through personal growth and development, we talk with others, assess our progress and dare to be free. In turn, we find the courage to overcome our demoralization.

I want to dare today to be open and honest with myself and others.