Words Can Hurt

"Never forget what a man says to you when he is angry." -- Henry Ward Beecher

Do we speak the truth when we're angry? I know that I am often quick to say, "I really didn't mean it," and I may even try to make amends for my thoughtlessness. But people, especially children, rarely forget what was said to them in anger.

Angry words hurt and mark people. Even if our parents didn't really mean it, those angry voices and words are still with us. We often come to believe that our parents didn't love us or respect us; otherwise, how could they have said those angry things that still hurt?

We will always have moments of anger. But we can think twice before letting anger dictate our speech. Words can hurt and people remember.

How to Get to Forgiveness

One is as one is, and the love that can’t encompass both is a poor sort of love.
- Marya Mannes

I have struggled to find the way to forgive myself and others. Forgiving isn’t easy. Writing this blog isn't easy. I am carrying so much resentment and hurt around with me. In fact, when I’ve been deeply hurt or victimized by someone else, I may feel I can’t forgive. Yet, for my own peace of mind and in order to let go, I may finally try. It’s been suggested by my therapist that forgiveness is easier under certain conditions: a positive connection with the person we want to forgive, a deep relationship with the Universe, and lots of time.

Forgiveness is often preceded by grieving fully; we must first heal from the harm that was done to us. Through the honesty, power and wisdom gained through personal growth we are gently lead through the process of forgiving ourselves and others. Many of us have also experienced the Universe’s unconditional forgiveness which gives us a model. I acknowledge my responsibility for my actions, I let go of resentment, I grieve, and, finally, I forgive. Today, I will let go and let God.

Dispute

“Only that action is just which does not harm either party to a dispute.” -- Gandhi

I find myself occasionally embroiled in a bitter dispute and feel determined at all costs to impose my solution, even though I know it may harm someone (my opponent). I don’t really want a solution at all; I want revenge.

The desire to harm others may be derived from feeling that I have been hurt, perhaps as a child. I may be recalling feelings of being neglected, misunderstood, or even abused and assaulted. So to me, in my mind, the world owes me something and I intend to collect. I may even bear grudges and resentments against successful people, not because they have done me wrong, but merely because they are – successful.

I need to let my shame and sorrow out into the clear light of day. By opening myself up to others, I will surely find that together we can defuse my anger and desire to hurt others. I can stand on equal footing with others and have no more need for resentment and rage.
I know that I am gradually getting rid of my secret shame that causes me to act out of anger and vindictiveness.